Motherhood and Parenting Preparedness

While programmed dreams are vital for most of life’s challenges, the importance of infant separation traumas is so critical that it bears repeating here. Mothers-to-be must know that separation from mother to a baby is more overwhelming than war trauma to a soldier, because, for as long as mammals populated the earth, separation from mother has meant death! Then, instead of a loud noise precipitating the flashback, it is separation from some other “most important person” which precipitates the initial step back in time. Onset usually occurs during adolescence because that is when a first romance ends.

The father and the mother both must be aware of this. It is no savings to family when a child develops mental illness during adolescence. If the original separation-from-mother trauma occurs in the first two years of life, this can result in psychosis, and if it occurs in the next year of life, it can result in non-psychotic depression.

Consequently, mothers must avoid traumatizing the baby with early separation. Any separation must be gradual and only to the extent that the baby is not distressed. There should not be a rotation of caregivers. Any change in caregivers must be gradual and monitored for sudden change in mood. Travel should be limited and long flights avoided. An infant or toddler can be terrified, such as with pressure on the ears when the plane is descending. If the family does fly for vacations or other events, the mother must make sure that the infant or toddler is comforted and secure throughout the flight, and keep her attention focused on the baby. I have seen young mothers let the baby scream and cry on an airplane for 20 to 30 minutes. This absolute terror can be reactivated later in life by another separation trauma and result in a partial or a complete shift to infant mind and brain.

Early separation can be far more costly than living with less income for the first three years. It, therefore, is vital to plan ahead and determine that there will be no early separation-from-mother traumas, because they lead to serious mental and/or emotional disorders. A number of primitive tribes shame a mother who has more than one child every three years.

In Russia, women were permitted to stay home with their babies for the first 4 months. Then, they received less stipend until the baby was two years old, at which time, all were forced to return to work. In some villages, two-thirds of those infants became alcoholic. In this country, with the advent of the working mother in America, drug abuse and alcoholism increased dramatically, as well as other forms of mental illness such as ADHD.

It is best for the mother to rear her own children and not leave this for others to do. Early daycare is unacceptable. A grandmother or other family member, who can be with the child regularly, sometimes can suffice. But when a caregiver is enlisted, there must not be a sudden separation from that caregiver. A carefully programmed dream will tell the mother exactly what to do that will work out best.

It is critical that the father realizes the importance of the mother to the baby and that he support the mother’s efforts totally. He should do nothing that causes her to be upset or takes her attention away from their young children.

The programmed dream is important in such matters, and the young mother can receive the right answer as long as she does not try to restrict the answer as to what she wants it to be. She needs to focus on finding the answer as to what will work out best.

Case History

The damage done to children who are separated from mother is revealed in the examples below:

A woman who raised several children of her own was hired to care for the daughter of a working mother, but was released from duty when the child reached age two. This woman really enjoyed little children and delighted in everything they did. When the child turned two years old, her nanny was released from duty, and the child was devastated. She didn’t know how to respond when she saw her former nanny. She was just numb, hurt, and obviously very sad. This experience will resurface one day as major depression, maybe even with psychotic features, when her first romance fails. That child will blame and hate herself as a result of her mother’s lack of knowledge about the needs of a toddler.

A professional woman, who loved children and enjoyed engaging babies in “conversation,” making gestures and sounds that caused them to smile, decided to visit a “progressive” bank that allowed their employees to bring their babies to the daycare center at the bank. There were nine infants/toddlers sitting around a big table where she also sat. She tried for a half hour to engage any of the babies in “conversation,” but they just sat there, staring blankly ahead. She was horrified by this unusual experience.

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